Reality Check Part. 1

4 years in the making and counting. Welcome to happiness, sadness, depression, optimism, determination, contemplation and a legacy. With great effort and self-stability, I have made the unseen seen and the impossible possible. I have introduced a life that a person never thought they could dwell in. Yes, the benefit of the doubt has been my gift to them all. Ha, who would of thought that their benefit was my disadvantage. No one, that's who, why else would I be in this position. You know, the position when every one breathes down your throat saying, "Ohh Josh, Joshua, Slick, Silk, what have you become?". No no no, the question is, What have you become? After one month what has 1, 2, 3, and 4 become? If you couldn't commit yourself to one decision regarding me, or tell me what I NEEDED to hear, showed that I am worth your time of day, or let the sanctity of your trust rest within my hands, dont expect me to sing the same song. I have sang the same song for years, and you know what? I am still an unsung hero, but in my eyes only. They say the "hero" has it made and has his game already played. That's where you are wrong. But you stand correct on fact: I can ball, but I won't play. I don't want to believe my own hype, even though it's true. I thank the quad for my trials and tribulations. Through much pain with no regret, you all have given me one of the greatest plight to this day. Sadly, it still is. You have also given me reason to apologize to the future, who claims to be baking me a different cookie that doesn't crumble. Well I don't know about not crumbling, I don't know if it's even there.

"Josh, I am so sorry."
I say, kill yourself

18 years of life, it seems like we have only had a year of connection. Sad, but true. You are the only one who seems to have made the simplest things make the most sense. You have told me you loved me constantly, given me a shoulder to lean on, gifts to satisfy me, and a love that no other female could think to give me. You sit and listen to my cares, insecurities, my plight for the right companion, and you feed me with such simple but meaningful knowledge. I wish that there were more like you. You know the ifs, ands, and buts about me. No one knows me as well as you, and I will never let my guard down to no one else unless it's you. After all of the smiles that you have blessed upon my life, I still find means to take advantage of you. Your time, money, and love has been bottled up in a means of disrespect and selfishnes. I stand today to say I am sorry. I still commend you though, because you are still there holding me down. Give me this last chance, to do things the right way. If I mess up again, you are welcome to leave. I LOVE YOU.

"Joshua, I need your help"
I say, I am going to make it happen"

My sanctuary has yet to be called a play ground, so let's act like it. A nice man can take only soo much. Respect my things, my choices, and my words. We are friends, comrades, and companions with a big eye on the future. God-forbid, but if the past continues to move on to the present, I don't see much of a future. Let the crude humor, and inhumane acts stop. I am the peace mediator if you have forgotten, so none of that garbage is going to infiltrate my camp. We are going into a new year which means we are growing into adults. Let's act like it. It's weird how you can miss soo much within a month and some change. But it was such a short time with a speed bump, I should have expected a change. Hey, that's reality:life is fast, I choose to run faster. A run fast with good words, good thoughts, and positive notions, I hope you want to run with me. As far as the rest of them go, they aren't the ones dreaming of a movement. So move along with me and without them.

"Slick, Silk, what's the matter?"
I say, I am fine, I am just different

"Joshua, I got love for you"

I say, Fly With Me


Ms. Fiasco said...

in a world of disbelief and unsatisfying truths, your words provide a sense of comfort that the future wont be like the present. that someday everybody will find the real that you posses. a gift that little to none have. something dear and true to youu. hopfully one day i'll find the real...

Anonymous said...

Damn bro u awready know what i've been tellin u bout dis man just keep yo head up and keep truckin man all yo hard work won't go unseen God is not sleepin my man he's pieces everything together slowly but shortly

Tieyara said...

i think this is horrible.....lol
ok i lied
even tho u make me sick n i wanna beat u up right now i cant knock how good this is. it touched some points that really need 2 be brought up...
maybe you should run for president

Anonymous said...

your so naturally talented josh i loved everything u said...very deep. u inspire me to do great things in life and to not look back at the past and not let it effect my future...your a good person...dont ever change..

Knowledge of The Union said...

maybe it's cuz I'm not in ya life as much as others, but most of this is foreign to me. The middle makes sense, shorty must be great, hope you really meant what you said about acting better towards her. And the end I get but don't know any particulars. Keep it movin son, be beyond the bullshit.

paul said...

im glad ur the same person u were the last time i saw u,only more knowledgable then i knew, neways wat u said was inspiring to me, hope 1 day i could be all about love'n'peace, its what i want but not what i am, its also this way with my christian life, all i can say is this pitifull excuse that its hard, if u dont mind gime a prayer, id appreciate it

Little Sister (ash) said...

I give u props where poetic justice is due...this is great writin Josh and so true! I wanna read more my dude...lol

I think i might create one of these blog things..but i know mine wont be as good as urs lol...ooo well imma try=]