Finding, Analyzing, and Seperating

"You'll put your eyes to the sun and say, 'I know
you're only blinding to keep back what the clouds are hiding.' "
-Fall Out Boy

A smooth quote that I recently noticed that it relates to me and the last 5 years of my life; more over it describes who I am now. There is nothing better than knowing yourself, especially through good music. This quote pretty much explains a person having the knowledge of shady activity, or fake people. It explains the front people would put on just so they can milk every ounce of life out of you. Whether it be money, clothes, food, time, but most of all...feeling. Whether it's a friend or more, feeling is what draws you to a person. I just got finished rapping to my mom about some things about me that she didn't realize. It led me to this blog right here. It's funny how things tend to get off balanced once feeling gets put into play. I hate the feeling of not knowing what a person really means to do with me. Therefore I seek answers, but I can't ask questions because I am not down for lies. Lies only follow questions, and honesty is my number one policy with anyone. Thinking about stuff like this is what puts me down at sometimes. Some days I feel as if I should just cut off every tendon of friendship I have just so I can be fine. But I love friends, I love companionship, I love social activity...so something has to give. Why can't it be the two-faced people that walk this earth? Someone HAS to have a heart! This world has over six billion beating hearts on it, I know at least one of them has to be pumping blood, because now a days I only see water. I don't care, the CREATOR made us all family, therefore we are a blood. High school set up the rest of my four years of college for me. My high school years were not fun, happy, nor full of spirit. My school had to be filled with the most two-faced people on the east coast. Yes Springbrook, I fuckin' said it and if you feel offended then shame on your stupid ass for being a chump. More than half of the real friends I had there were only smiling to stretch their face muscles. All of the relationships that I was in with girls were unfaithful and uncommitted. Everyone knows I carry a strong passion to treat a girl right, so for all the girls who just couldn't sit their asses down, ya'll missed out. I have done nothing wrong to anyone, so I don't understand why a person can't come clean with a person like me. Who wouldn't want to be around a person like me, who would want to do me shady? I swear, put everyone before I. I make time for eveyone everyday. No matter what the problem is, I know that I can hold my comrades down. I am in college now; all of that high school fuckery, I am not looking for. Four years shapped me up to the person that would type a blog like this. You can't blame me, yet you can. You can say, "Josh I understand why you are like that", or you can say "Josh you shouldn't act like that because you may miss out on a real deal". As far as I am concerned, real deals are not built in my genes. They should be built in everyones, but the world is crooked. I hate saying this shit no matter how vibrant I can get with it. I still continue to give the benefit of the doubt, but already people are doing what I expect them to do. High schol is starting to make it's role into my college life. But I refuse to sit and watch it happen. I refuse to be put back in the depressing positions I have been in. I refuse to let another person break me down for 2 months and have me write about them constantly. Until the day comes where I know I am secure with my social life, everybody is getting mentally checked. A plea: if anyone is reading this and you are pulling a shady move behind my back, or if you plan to, please just spare me. I don't have the heart for it anymore.

other than that im good :),
joshua[slick]