28.2.08

G.O.D.

Of course I never know how to start a blog entry, so I am going to start this one by saying..I don't know how to start a blog. It's been a while since I have been on here, honestly it was just pure laziness. I would think of things to write, I would actually have the intention to write, but I am just too damn lazy. It's a second semester of school, and I know it's late but yes, it's a new year. Let me run back a couple a post. My promises, lets get a progress update on those:


  • Give GOD more time-Well, I could be doing better, I am definitely praying a little bit more. Praying for happiness here, respect there, rekindle that, dismantle this. I still recognize GOD as my sole savior. I can definitely see a change in my walk with HIM, you know a lot stuff that I do, I think about HIM and how it reflects HIM. I'm trying fam.

  • Stop drinking-Well I did not stop TOTALLY, but I definitely tuned that drinking stuff down by a whole lot. I have little sips, and I mix with juice which means my right state of mine is staying with me. I actually had a little something earlier tonight, and I definitely did not OD.

  • School work is the ultimate priority-Yea I said it, and yes I meant it. I still procrastinate but I am getting my work done. The wack new-campus library finally opened. So I am going to spend most of my time with a nose in a book.

  • Stop staying up all hours of the night-I saw the sunrise 4 days in a row and it's about to be five. I will leave it at that.

  • Get off Facebook's balls-I could do a better job at it.

  • Write it out more-That starts right now.
All together, my status in progress is like a little bit below mediocre. But I am still at it so don't worry, the year is definitely still young.

Life is still life I guess, school is the same, just more work. I am definitely on a desperate search for a job now. I needs a steady mode of income. I am very broke, what do you know about stealing food from the campus cafeteria so you wont be hungry later. Yea, that's how it's going down, how the hell the campus cafeteria is going to close at 8. Ridiculous, and it gets worse, the library that was just built is complete trash plus it closes at 9 o'clock where as the old one closed at 11. Yesterday, being Friday, it closed at 6 o'clock. As soon as a brother wants to get some knowledge, Morgan State wants to flip the script. It's big for no reason, but they DO have a fast internet connection, BUT it's not wireless. So that means you are marching across campus with your own ethernet cable. If you don't have one, it's rap for your internet. Everything in C102 is..everything I guess. We had our visitation pushed back twice, once to March 1st and another to April 1st which is now. First time we violated visitation times, second time same thing happened, only I wasn't in the room. I don't know what it will take, but we have to be serious. C102 is family people, and C102 can't go down like that. Me and the roomie were saying that after today, it's a rap, we are dead ass going to be cut off all types of visitation period. I don't want to be paranoid when I hear a knock on the door. So yea folks, no hard feelings, but C102 is going to take this month very seriously, work with us?

My story, hiStory, I hope you like it. I have been thinking about it since the new year started. I initially set it up so it can be the whole thing on one post. But I figured I should chop it up in five parts. One, because I can still brainstorm ways to make the story a bit more enticing, second is so I can get feedback from you guys, hopefully. Is it missing something? Whatever you feel just let me know. I can't wait to get to the end, I got big plans for the storyline, hopefully the twist will actually flip you guys out. My movie is...is coming together slowly in my head. I filmed one thing and thats it. I haven't got to do a lot of recording because I don't have a set mind set on what I want in it. I sat down and put some things on paper, so far it looks like its going to be dope. I just got to get the filiming part down.

As far as I go, I'm still living. During my break from the blog, I figured that I write about myself a little bit too much. If most of you remembered from my first post, I referred to myself as the Everything Man. Well I'm going to start writing about everything, with little emphasis on myself. I may dedicate an entry to a person, an event, or object. Or I might even do some random post. But, generosity starts with the unfocusing (is that a word?) of ones self, and the focusing onto others. But I will take this opportunity to let this paragraph be about me lol. I recognized that acceptance of yourself is vital. I was talking to one of my home boys on campus, and he was saying some real stuff. He would ask himself some questions and I found it funny because I ask myself those same questions. Something like:


why don't i look at lil wayne as the greatest rapper.why don't phat asses phase me.why don't the females go bananas for me when I dance in the middle of crowd when I'm at a party.why is money, cars, clothes, and girls not my main motivation.why doesn't everyone look at me as the coolest person on campus.why haven't I had sex yet.


The list goes on, but I realized that I will never find the answers to those questions. I just have to accept the fact that I am a very different person. Would I sacrifice my own morals for happiness? Now that's a deep question, happiness is what makes a prosperous and motivated life. But what if your morals is what sets you away from the crowd, in a positive manner? Would I be wrong if I strayed away from those morals just to be happy? Would I actually be happy once I give up those morals? I mean I can only find that answer if I try, but at the same time I could be making the biggest mistake of my life. Self-acceptance is the keyword for me this year, accept the fact that you aren't the majority. More than likely, that's when the happiness will come in. But then acceptance may mean a change. A change in social circles, the way you talk, the things you do, the places you go. Yes all that can change just by being different, but it's all in maturity and growing up. I may seem like I have a lot of knowledge to spit, but trust me I have a lot to learn.


Keep the faith up,
Joshua

1 comment:

murda<3 said...

i look at u as the coolest person on campus =]

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